|Wedding day 2001|
I started working at a University that was over 50 miles away, living in the country every place is quite a drive. I really enjoyed the job, but felt so distant from my family and friends and the depression began to set in. My grandma was in the hospital and had a stroke and the guilt that I felt was enormous, because I wasn't there. I started to gain a little weight, but not enough to really notice. I did keep up my exercise by walking the country roads, and my husband told me not to walk during harvest, because the trucks might not see me and I could get run over, his uncle couldn't believe that I would go out walking because of all of the rabid animals running around...Paranoid much? I was getting there. I continued working at the University until 09/11, It's one of those days that will forever be stuck in my head. I live in Kansas, but the impact of that day affected the entire world. I remember the lines of cars waiting to get fuel, because of the scare of gas prices going through the roof, and people were so concerned about anthrax coming in the mail. It was then that I decided I didn't want to work so far from home. I lived in a very small town that was basically closed when I left for work and closed when I came home. I never saw a single soul, but everyone knew everything about me, and what they didn't know they just made up. My depression was deepening.
|My girls ~ Christmas 2010|
I started the hCG diet in 2008 and I got down to 205 pounds, but the extremes of the diet was just too much, and I was beginning to feel comfortable with the way that I was looking. I even had people tell me that I was getting too thin, can you believe being too thin at 205 pounds? I ended up getting a job as a certified dialysis technician and put my schooling off for a little while and began to get comfortable and started back to my old ways of eating. When I started back to school full-time I weighed in again at my famous 230 pounds. The stress of school, family and bills, because we're a one income family, has made me turn to food to medicate my stress. I am now weighing in at a whopping 270 pounds. I'm sick just thinking about it.